So I took part in an interesting conversation a few weeks ago. By take part I mean I listened. During the course of the conversation a comment was made that I took very personally. I felt like it was aimed directly at me, and for about a nano second I was offended. It didn't take me long to realize it was due to the fact that the comment had ruffled my conscience...rather then had been said too, or about me. Since then I've been in a state of deep reflection. The more I reflect the deeper the state seems to become. You see...I'm coming up on a pivotal birthday. The last one of my 20's!!! I hope everyone can sense the tone of self mockery here? But it really is a big deal to me. I've really been trying to decide who I want to be when I'm all grown up. How ever it would seem every time I think I've got it all figured out, the game somehow changes. There are certain things that stay the same, and for that I am grateful. But the changes...
...the changes are the ones that are getting me. It's like the world isn't even the same place it was a year or even months ago. Part of growing up I guess?
Last Sunday at church a very sweet lady whom I adore paid me a very nice complement. She asked me What I was doing different? My look was probably a perplexed one because then she says to me. "There's just something different about you, a glow!" She caught me a bit off guard, and I stumbled to find words. I said "Well...I've been exercising, and trying to eat better?" But it quickly dawned on me that probably wasn't it. Then I spoke up and said..."You know I'm getting a little older, and coming into my own. Married life is going well, and my husband makes me feel good about myself." She said "So your more confident maybe?" I quickly smiled and said "I would probably use comfortable". We both laughed and she said "keep it up!"
Now after thinking about it a little more I don't know that I would use the word comfortable either. Because if I found my self in a state of comfort I probably wouldn't want to change, and that definitely couldn't be farther from the truth. There are many things in my life I am/could be working on. I am so far from "comfortable" it's makes me laugh just thinking about it. But here is what's changed. I'm starting to figure out who I am, who I want to be, and I'm doing it. It's not always easy, but I'm doing it.
p.s. Ironically, publishing this post is making me feel a little vulnerable????